Trying so hard to be myself

I have been struggling with writing the past few days. Definitely not feeling it. This morning I was reading through some older stuff on my computer and came across this essay that was written by my now 17 year old daughter. She wrote this a little over 2 years ago. Be sure to read thru to the end as there is amazing insight there.

 

Where I’m From….

By L Wood

 I’m from the same place still that I came from,

Lived in the same house my whole life,

I’m from memories that always flow through me,

Every time I’m home I remember happiness and strife,

I’m from dancing in the mirror and singing in the hairbrush

To playing with momma’s hair and daddy’s big bear hugs

 

I was the little girl next door that couldn’t come out and play

And the girl who thought she was a boy until about 13,

I’m from the bridge over our favorite creek

That’s surrounded by pretty flowers in the spring

I’m from the top of my horse,

Who is my best friend and keeps all my secrets,

I can trust him

 If you fast forward a little you’ll see,

I’m still from the same cute, little house,

But no longer a little girl walks out the front door,

But a young lady trying so hard to make her parents proud

 

I’m from The Church at Covington and Elevate Youth Group,

I’m from frustration coming out of my Algebra 2 classroom,

I’m from a place that gets confusing,

But in this place God is able to use me

 

I’m from a small town,

Where it’s impossible not to see to see someone you know when you go out,

I’m from a dance studio were I’ve thought through so many problems,

As I let my feelings through in the way my body moves

 

I’m from a place were most people don’t go,

That’s deep in my mind,

A place that I don’t ever really show,

I’m from trying so hard to be myself,

To learning it’s always possible… If you’re brave enough*.

*This is such a sweet line for me to remember. She loved the Chronicles of Narnia and Aslan says this to Lucy in the movie, which had come out some time before she wrote this

Such insight from a 15 year old!

There is a place in all of us, a place that we never really show, the place that we keep hidden because we are sure that people could not possibly like us if they knew ‘that’ person.

I know that she is still working on this herself, but I hope she is able to find some success while she is young. It sucks to be 45 and not be comfortable in being who I am, of not even being 100% sure of who that is yet. I know that I am getting closer to discovering me, that I am becoming more and more brave and digging deeper and deeper within to those areas within that I have locked away for so long.

So, even now, at 45, I am trying so hard to be myself,

as

     I

        discover,

                          one

                                 step

                                         at

                                              a

                                                 time,

                                                          who

                                                                  I

                                                                     really

                                                                                am. 

What about you? Are you comfortable with who you are? Do you know who that person is? Did you always know or did it take some time to figure it out?

My goal is to help as many people as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog and you would like to share with them, please click on the appropriate link below!

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This is your life…

…are you who you want to be?

This song by Switchfoot really shook me at the core when I was examining my life. Yes, we do have to deal with life circumstances, but there is a lot we CAN DO to change our situation!

Be sure to scroll past the video.

Please ignore the timing being off in this video.  They otherwise did an awesome job of editing and putting together the content.

 

My goal is to help as many people as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog and you would like to share with them, please click on the appropriate link below!

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Time out for grownups

Sometimes I put myself in timeout. For real.

 
Removing yourself from a stressful situation is another coping technique for stress. If something or someone is causing your pulse and blood pressure to rise, excuse yourself, if necessary, and remove yourself from the stressor.

 
Whether it is bickering children, disturbing news, or even a disagreeable spouse, co-worker or boss, ask to be excused for a few minutes. Go to the closest quiet place.

Once there, sit if possible, try to relax your body, close your eyes and just BREATHE. And in that moment, try to get a different perspective on the situation. Is it as bad as it seems?  Many times just stepping away for even 60 seconds can help. If you are REALLY stressed, you might even try the ol’ paper bag trick to keep from hyperventilating!

The main thing is to try to return your heart and breathing back to normal.  If you were to maintain the stress level in your body for an extended time (this is what is known as chronic stress), it is not good for your health. And you may end up looking like this.  I know, because I did! 

Well, I felt that way on the INSIDE!  I had to learn some stress relieving techniques. If you missed those earliers posts here they are:

10 Steps to Avoid Mental Breakdown
Every life has limits, do you know yours?
Self-care is not self-ish
Journaling as a tool for self-discovery… and healing
Turning mountains into molehills
Calgon, take me away!
Two Natural Stress Relievers
Life from 40,000 feet

What about you?  How do you deal with stress? What has worked best for you?

My goal is to help as many women as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog, please click here to share!

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Don’t give up your right to choose!

In our crazy, fast-paced, hurry-hurry society, we still have a right to choose.  we have the right to choose how to respond or how to react to any situation we are presented with. 

Consider a day like this- you get up in the morning, go to your demanding job, and you work hard for nine or ten hours, and at the end of the day you’re tired, and you’re stressed out, and all you want is to go home and have a good supper, a glass of wine and maybe unwind for a couple of hours and then hit the hay because you have to get up tomorrow and do it all again.

 

 Ahh, but then you remember there’s no food at home – you haven’t had time to shop this week, because of your demanding job – and so now, after work, you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It’s the end of the workday, and the traffic’s very bad, so getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there thegrocery store is very crowded, because of course it’s the time of day when all the other people with jobs also try to squeeze in some grocery shopping, and the store’s bright lights and neon colored signage compete for your attention, not to mention the advertisements playing over the PA system andyou figure this is the last place you want to be, but you can’t just get in and quickly out; you have to wander all over the huge, overlit store’s crowded aisles to find the stuff you want, and you have to maneuver your crappy cart with the squeaky wheel through all these other tired, hurried people with carts, and of course there are also the  slow old people and the spacey people and the kids who all block the aisle and their parents who are ignoring them and you have to grit your teeth and try to be polite as you ask them to let you by, and eventually, finally, you are ready to checkout, except now it turns out there aren’t enough checkout lanes open even though it’s the end-of-the-day rush, so the lines are incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating, but you can’t take your fury out on the frantic teenager working the register.

Anyway, you finally get to the checkout line’s front, and pay for your food, and wait to get your check or card approved by a machine, and then get told to “Have a nice day”  and then navigate your cart through the crowded, bumpy, littery parking lot, and try to load the bags in your car so that everything doesn’t fall out of the bags and roll around in the trunk on the way home, and then you have to drive all the way home through slow, heavy, rush-hour traffic, etc.

The point is that a typical frustrating day like this is exactly where the work of choosing comes in. The traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think, and I must make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to, otherwise I’m going to be ticked off and miserable the rest of the evening.  And think about it, we all have days that are a lot like this that make up the weeks and months and years of our lives.

 Jaime from Mangiabella wrote some wonderful comments to me yesterday, and one of them was about my post on perspective.

She wrote, “Webster’s dictionary defines perspective as: one’s “point of view”, the choice of a context for opinions, beliefs and experiences.  I LOVE how that’s worded. “the CHOICE of a context for opinions, beliefs, and experiences.”

Every day when we wake up we have a choice ~ we can choose how our attitude and perspective will be for that day! It sure takes a concentrated effort though, doesn’t it? But WE have the choice – I love that!

What if we chose to have a different perspective then our usual stock response? What if we purposed it in our hearts to deliberately see the joy over the pain? What would change? Who would be impacted?”

We must make up our minds to stop being a victim of our circumstances. We must choose to enjoy each moment. We can choose to smile or scowl at those around us, which choice brings a richer life and joy to others? What a small choice, but oh, what an impact just that one thing could make! 

Preaching to the choir here! This is directed to me as much as anyone else! 

What about you, how do you choose to react to the stressors in your life?

My goal is to help as many women as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog, please click here to share!

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Journaling as a tool for self-discovery… and healing

As I walk through this recovery process of healing my soul and mind, I remembered that, years ago, I used to journal. I would write every morning. Many times, it was written as a prayer, or perhaps reflection on scripture. The majority of my writings, however, were just unloading how I felt about things. Women, especially, are so bad to bottle up our feelings. We continue to do the things we think we are supposed to, and stuff it all inside.

What happens to those stuffers? Well, lots of different things. For one, you can end up like I did, almost completely paralyzed by depression and anxiety. Or it may come out in other physical ways such as frequent colds, headaches, stomach issues.

Or, you may one day not be able to hold it in anymore and literally explode at whoever is nearby at the time. None of these are healthy ways to deal with the situations that stress you and cause you pain.

Writing it down doesn’t necessarily solve the problem, but it may help relieve some of the pressure you feel, it may help you get perspective on the situation, and sometimes you may find that it really wasn’t a big deal at all. Or it may help you find the courage and the strength to speak up and confront the situation. And in situations you can do nothing about, journaling is a way of releasing it to God.

Even though I am typing this blog, true journaling seems best when done by hand. There is just something about the words coming from your heart, out through your hand and flowing from the pen onto the paper.

I always like when school starts because I love all the notebooks and journals that are available, so… I think I will go by me a really cool new journal to use on this healing journey.

What about you, how has journaling worked for you?

My goal is to help as many women as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog, please click here to share!

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