In one of my posts last week, 10 steps to avoid a mental breakdown I talked about the necessary steps to avoid a breakdown, burnout, or a brick wall! So, let me check my progress so far…
1. one must realize they are headed in that direction and admit it
Oh, yea, definitely headed in that direction! The uncontrollable urge to hide in the bed under my covers from the world was a sign, as well as the fact I couldn’t remember answers to the most basics of questions. These are only a few of the signs, the biggest was just an overwhelming sadness, of hopelessness. Difficult to put into words at this point.
2. one must then make a declaration to oneself that they refuse to continue in that direction
I knew that I had to make the decision to speak out, to get help. Unfortunately, I ignored the signs for way too long. I was just sure I could pull myself up and get through it, considering I had done so many times in the past. I did not want to admit that I was incapable of coping, but knew that I was sinking deeper than ever before.
3. one must determine whether one needs to be under the care of a healthcare provider. Medication, therapy and even medical leave maybe helpful or necessary in fighting off the impending breakdown.
Well, check, check, check and check. Visited my doctor, added a different med, on a waiting list to see psychiatrist, and was placed on medical leave. I’ve done counseling before, but the idea of a psychiatrist is a little harsh. And being pulled from work is going to be difficult, because even though my job added to the stress and contributed to my condition, I love my job. I am closely connected to people I work with. This will be a big challenge for me.
4. one must then find a new path to go down, one of loving and taking care of oneself to avoid said breakdown or potential future breakdowns
Ah, an empty check box. This is where I am now. I am trying to determine what will help me to heal, what will help me to grow, what will help me get to the next place I am supposed to be.
To get completely disconnected from my job will be my first challenge, as there is some connections and logistics that have to be handled. After that, then what? For the past 2 years I have worked 70+ hours a week at my job. I told my husband, I feel as if I don’t even know what the regular rhythm and flow of a day is supposed to be. I was ALWAYS working, even when I wasn’t working. Obsessing about what I could do to make the numbers, to meet the goal. I stayed up extremely late, got up early, rarely ate more than once a day, drank countless cups of coffee, and when would I actually have time to exercise? Oh, and my relationships, my family?
Why did I work so much? That is some of what I will have to work through. It was a combination of things- the pressure from the company to perform, the connections that I made with the team that worked under me, the anxiety of feeling like no matter what I did it would never be enough. I think that last one’s a big one, the reason I could not turn it off. That anxiety, coupled with what I felt was a true interpretation of the expectations placed on me by my employer, made rest and relaxation an impossibility.
So, for now, I am learning to take care of me. I am trying to put myself on a schedule. To learn to go to bed at a reasonable time, get up at a reasonable time. To eat 3 meals a day, okay, maybe at least 2 a day for a start. And, I think I’ll read a book, just for fun! I bought Eat, Pray, Love last week. From what I hear it would be a good one for me to start with….
My goal is to help as many women as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog, please click here to share!
I’ve heard wonderful things about that book! I just heard a movie is coming out soon starring Julia Roberts too!
It’s great that you’re checking your progress. I did that with my one word “resolution” for the year (my word was “nurture”). It’s helps refocus and also celebrate the successes so far. Look like you’re making great progress!
Bernice, I am so privileged to be a traveling companion with you on this journey – i have a feeling you will enjoy this book. I have just picked up “the shack” – have you read that yet? I just got started, but already the hook has pierced my soul….and i just got past the intro!
this is going to be such an exciting journey of rediscovering yourself, it truly is sweet bella. Don’t be afraid to keep moving forward with this.
I can’t remember if I shared this with you or not, so forgive me if I am repeating myself but I have been on a journey as well, these past two years have been magical…and I don’t mean magical as in flawless, or without tears, but the kind that reminds us of being fully alive in our own skin…
I found myself tuning in to a stillness resonating within,
a contemplative stirring if you will…
a dual awareness of past and future…
of that which was and that which will be…
of letting things go…
and of holding on to what matters most…
of old chapters turning into new ones….
and of purposing it in my heart
to continue on this invigoratingly sacred,
deeply meaningful, NECESSARY, and rich personal journey
towards living more fully…
I know for myself starting this blog in May was the beginning of something unexpectedl. One baby step was all I needed to awaken the rest within. and oh the domino effect that has followed… I began to believe that through maybe others could be inspired to not just be alive but AWAKE – that maybe I could encourage others to step out of the day to day drudgery and marvel at something, even if just for a moment – that maybe I could encourage more than just a handful of my girlfriends.
although I’m a little behind on my posts and communications from being out of town and such these past few weeks I am getting ready to post some more, maybe tonight, but this week for sure….if you haven’t already stop by and check out my latest post on augustine….
on a side note, have you ever read the book “waking the dead” by john eldridge? This has been life changing for me, truly. I highly recommend it –
oh sweet bella may this be a calming, stripping, re-aligning kind of journey – I have just added you to my daily prayer list, truly. look forward to talking with you more, have a beautiful evening sweet bella….
p.s. loved the bucket list post and have already begun checking out the others you mentioned….much love to you tonight
EAT
PRAY
LOVE
and GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE.
There is no us to work out, just an experience to understand, and to stand strong in. To truly give is to be compassionate in this obviously challenging dynamic we are experiencing… and now you are awake; because until you are awake you are not alive, you are nothing more than a dream trying to be real…and of course that is disturbing. And this disturbance is reflected in the ugliness we avoid seeing in order to get ‘our’ lives to a happy and content place.
Please try to forget yourselves and look at this world. Look at what we do in this world. Say no to the stories in our minds that stop us from feeling the sadness that comes from satiating our desires. Until we look at all this then the struggle to find happiness is not ours to have, and the rampant spreading of anxiety an depression are evidence to this. Look at the stats of how many young people today take anti-depressants.
When are we going to truly wake up?
How can we wake up whilst avoiding the cruelty we inflict on poor innocent animals and people?
Can you feel life? Can you feel the pain of others suffering?
If you can, then stand up and be part of making this world a more honest place and that starts with you!
Watch this video and tell me what there is for us to learn from it…
Thanks again for your great posts exploring life. I will challenge your heading though. I would suggest that self-care is to care for others not self, otherwise of course it is self-ish. Anyone thoughts?
Bernice, So glad you stopped by my blog. I enjoyed reading this post. I’ve learned that the blogosphere can be a wonderful, supportive community, and I think you are wise to share your path with others. I am rooting for you!
I’ve read both Eat, Pray, Love and the Shack. Both books are good soul food. I recommend them both.
I admire your courage. Separating yourself from work, being that it has become a mental and physical addiction is no doubt a difficult, but healthy, thing for you to do.
Are you an over-achiever in general? I share many of your work habits/needs; feeling like the employer expects it for production and the gratification that comes from it personally. I can trace it to childhood and an attempt to please a difficult-to-please father; who I’ve later learned wasn’t really that difficult to please but he didn’t express any affirmation.
I pray that you find your soul….you. I pray that you stick with the journey the rest of your life. Self-care may not be self-ish when you are at crisis, but later on when you are a few miles down the road to recovery it may seem like all the old expectations come back. That’s been my discovery in the recovery stages from the breast cancer. I can’t tell you how to avoid or manage it as I haven’t figured that out yet, but I can tell you to watch for it.
Godspeed to you. Don’t just read the book dear lady – eat – pray – love.
Eat; pray and love is a good place to start. You must keep your mind and your body moving forward. I will say some prayers for you!
I think this Topic is wonderful. So many times us women are told that we are selfish, at least I am, and have been told that for years. How can we take care of anyone else if we don’t take care of ourselves? I have been told not to start sentences that begin with (I) I am a friendly, helpful and caring person. If someone else calls me selfish, I think they must be thinking of their own behavior and lashing their self hatred on me. Makes sense to me. Does anyone have any ideas or comments?
Yes I have lots to say about selfishness, hatred and blame. All explored in my blog. Men and women are all selfish to some degree because we live in an edited reality, our life story. Hence why it is so difficult for people to truly connect, love and respect each other.
Men and women are outwardly very different, but the end result of how we experience life is the same. We are all in an experience that disallows us from ever just ‘being’, as our perceptual ‘us’ is guiding the daily functioning of our lives. There is much evidence for this if one is to peruse the internet. You will see people are asking the same questions to satiate their confusion about life for thousands of years and we are no closer to finding the answers, and that is because we are looking at what we want to see…look at all of life and you will be surprised just how empowering that is, and then how others treat you becomes somewhat irrelevant as you are now complete in your existence.
Anyway, hope my discoveries about life offer you a journey to grow into.
David Coles http://www.davidgcoles.wordpress.com
I think it is very possible to take care of yourself and still be a caring person. In reality, if you give, give, give of yourself and never take care of you, eventually you will run out of anything to give. You gotta get a refill somewhere!
Thanks for coming by!
You’re definitely on the right path Bernice! Just remember to BREATHE!
Hi
I just ran across this post and absolutely love your blog. You are right on track with the self-care message.
I lead Personal Renewal Groups based on Renee Trudeau’s book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal and highly recommend it. She talks a lot about how essential self-care is. Although it makes sense, it goes against what society preaches so it’s very hard to implement it in our daily lives. I’ve been working on this for two years and still have a long ways to go. But, I know I’m on the right track when my husband is encouraging me to go to yoga classes because as he said, “you’re a much happier person when you take care of yourself and do the things you enjoy”.
[…] Steps to Avoid Mental Breakdown Every life has limits, do you know yours? Self-care is not self-ish Journaling as a tool for self-discovery… and healing Turning mountains into molehills Calgon, […]
[…] said I was always so ‘up’. That was the mask I had to wear for everyone. I am trying to let that front down now, it is too exhausting to keep it up. I just hope that one day I can feel ‘normal’ […]
[…] is sending me on personal retreat to Savannah, just a couple of hours away, for a week. Due to my recent meltdown and anxiety, he is joining me for the first 2 days to settle me in, and then I will be left on my […]
[…] as I go through a time of healing and searching, my mind may want to swing the other direction. The other side of that coin seems to be […]
[…] I have been journeying down the road from my mental meltdown, and working through the healing process, I have been trying to redefine who I am, what I want from this life and what I want to give back […]
[…] I had. Luckily my kids are mostly grown, so they can take care of themselves most of the time! I stopped just about anything and everything I was doing. Pruned it […]
[…] past week for a personal retreat. After having what I have termed, for lack of better words, my mental meltdown last month, my sweet husband sent me away for a week of ME […]
[…] you feel. Since beginning my blog, I have actually gone on medical leave due to stress, anxiety and depression. My blog has given me a place to write for ‘therapy’ […]
“I am trying to put myself on a schedule.” <= me too. mommyhood can totally be applied to the principles you are teaching. thanks for the honesty. it helped me! will RT!
Hi Bernice,
I love this post. I am so there right now. Needing a break but finding it difficult (financially) to take one because I gotta take care of the little people in my life. As a result I work doubly hard to be in that place (financially) so I can take a break. Does that make sense? I guess those are the breaks in the single parent life, eh?
I did take a mental health day the other day so that’s a start. It was so refreshing…good medicine for me. I have to do more of that.
Thanks for sharing your journey and your life. We really have to connect again soon.