On Friday, August 13, (of all days!), the movie based upon Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love opens.
There are many women who are excited about seeing this movie as Liz has a way of expressing what so many women feel, but never say aloud. In her book, she talks about her long struggle with depression before seeking outside help. She read book after book, and tried ‘fixing’ herself by doing all the things these experts told her would help to relieve her depression.
Many of the things she spoke of I have already written in previous posts, breathing, fresh air and sunshine. She also exercised, got a new haircut, drank gallons of herbal tea, but to no avail.
Liz felt, like MANY women in America feel, that admitting you need help and asking for it was a sign of weakness. She got to the edge of being suicidal before she reached out for help.
She eventually took antidepressants and spent hours in therapy to help her overcome or at least get a handle on her depression. She felt it important to express that taking medication alone is just a bandaid. If you do not work through what got you there in the first place, you may find you will return to that same place of darkness again and again.
And that is where I am finding myself, back in the darkness that has enveloped me many times throughout my life. This time it is darker and blacker than ever before.
I waited much too long to admit how badly I was hurting, I mean, after all, my job required me to manage, train, motivate and inspire the 700+ women in my territory. I personified THE company I worked for. I had an image to present, physically and mentally. I was the cheerleader, the confidante.
The sad thing is, I like that part of my job. I just had a difficult time handling ALL the parts of the job at one time. And just before I fell apart, I got to where I didn’t enjoy or feel confident doing even the better parts of my job. I was not being what I needed for my team or for my company. And I didn’t want to admit that I was failing and that I was falling apart inside.
After all,
I was the strong one.
the motivator.
the passionate one.
the one everyone wanted to be like.
When I told my chiropractor (who sees me several times a year) about my current situation, he could not believe that I was depressed. He said I was always so ‘up’. That was the mask I had to wear for everyone. I am trying to let that front down now, it is too exhausting to keep it up. I just hope that one day I can feel ‘normal’ again, and feel joy again.
I know that is always darkest before the dawn, and I truly feel as if there is going to be a new chapter in my life soon, I just have to find my way through this darkness. With the help of God, my husband, children, friends, doctor, counselor, psychiatrist, and medication, I will make it through to the dawn, but for now, I just keep pressing on, step-by-step, day-by-day.
My goal is to help as many women as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog, please click here to share!
wow!! The movie previews alone convinced me to grow so excited to see “Eat,Pray,Love” But after hearing through your post what I’m in for I know now that it is a must watch. It is so true so many women deal with depression and have a hit a place that they don’t know what to do. I’m so happy that you have a strong support system around you because that truly helps and of course with the help of God you will prevail. Trust me I’m there myself but like you said “I will make it through to the dawn, but for now, I just keep pressing on, step-by-step, day-by-day.” How encouraging and wonderfully said!
Hi Berthine!
I have not seen the movie yet, going this afternoon! I don’t know how they portray her depression in the movie, but she talks about it a good deal in the book, You know the movies are never as good as the books!
I think one thing about depression is that it is easy to lose hope that things will ever get better. That’s why we have to take care of oursleves and ‘keep on keepin on!’
Bernice
I am sorry you are in a dark place right now. Unfortunately, I am slipping as well.
I could sense it coming, but denied it until it had control. Now I am trying to find the desire to fight it. I have so many tools I’ve gathered over the years, but I just don’t want to use them. I want to just wrap up in it and sleep.
I’m hoping to find the time to really write soon. It will help at least a little. And I’m thinking I might need to get back to my therapist.
I’m still functional. I don’t have the desire to hurt myself. I’m just overwhelmed and very down.
I will pray for both of us tonight. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s important.
Hi Robin,
It is important that while you are still functional that you put some things in place as to help stop the downward spiral.
Writing is a great therapy for me, whether for my blog or my own personal journal. And therapy with the right therapist is good for anybody!
Be sure to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, drink water, get some sleep!
I will pray for you as well!
Bernice
The topic of Depression ? from Eat, Pray, Love « Ramblings of a Woman…
I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…
Depression is so tough to overcome. I am glad to hear that you have an extensive support network and are working on getting on top of it. I have had my own battles too. You are not alone. Just make sure to keep acknowledging what is going on and not sweep it under the rug. Getting to happy is more work for some of us than others. Don’t give up.
Hi Jen,
Yea, the sweeping under the rug method only works so long! Sooner or later it will creep out and grab hold of you!
‘Getting to happy is more work for some of us than others’. Very interesting statement as I think that those who don’t deal with depression can ever understand.
Thanks for coming by!
Bernice
Bernice, I hope the writing is helping you with this, because you are good at it.
It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that even though we like to think we’re super heroes, we’re only human, and we have to help ourselves 1st and foremost.
Sounds like you have a good team behind you to get you through this!
All the best!
Barbara
I LOVE what you said about fresh air and sunshine!!!!!
I grew up in the States, and I remember most kids my age spent a large part of their time indoors (myself included). Personally, I had lots of self-esteem issues and mild depression, even though I really had no reason.
Once I got into college, I moved to Cancun and obviously here I’m outside a lot more!! I’m more motivated, happy, and confident than ever. I swear, sunshine cures anything.
Not saying you have to move to Cancun to be happy… but try to get outdoors on weekends! it’s better than any medication you could try.
Great post 🙂
thank you for this courageous post – oh i do hope you get a chance to read “waking the dead” by john eldridge, i find so much of the things you have said over the past few weeks are so relevant to what is addressed in that book – the title of the book is so fitting too, it will wake you from the dead, the darkness, the numbness – please do let me know if you do decide to read it, of all the people i have recommended it to not one has been disappointed – i hope you have a marvelous weekend and I know that this journey will produce much fruit – one day at a time….
Thanks for sharing. I’m sending you love. I hope you can feel it at some point today.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Thank you for sharing your feelings. It is a shame that you feel enveloped in darkness. It sounds as though you are doing everything you can to overcome the sadness. Overcoming depression is a battle (as I understand too well from my own experiences), but I wish you so much success and enlightenment on your journey.
I think the busier life gets, the more complicated it gets, the harder it is to find yourself in it all. I hope you find peace soon.
(((((Hugs)))))) to you….and I have been looking forward to the movie. I just spent a month in Maui and was teasing that it was my Eat, Pray, Love month…..
I love Eat, Pray, Love, and I’ve posted about it many times in my own blog. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I’m looking forward to it. I just hope I’m not disappointed, because there’s no way it could be as good as the book!
I can relate to what you’re saying about feeling depressed yet needing to always wear a mask of cheerfulness. I know I hide my true feelings more than is probably healthy for me. Most people who know me would be shocked that I took antidepressants for a long time.
I’m doing what the author of this book did. Except in my case my boyfriend left me for another woman.
I think a blog is a terrific way to share your story and reach out to others who are going through similar things. I appreciate your honesty. Good point about the mask. I think it was wrong of your chiropractor to not believe you have depression. And why would he/she say that? It implies you were either lying to him or don’t know yourself well enough to know you have depression. It’s insulting. That seems to me a common misconception of mental illness: that it’s visible.
Hey Ashley!
My chiropractor did not mean to insult me at all. He was just surprised because I was always so positive and upbeat, he just never suspected it.
He saw me again this week and I was behaving more true to what I was feeling inside. He definitely saw that there was a big difference without the mask!
You are right though, many people just don’t ‘get’ it because they cannot necessarily see it.
Thanks for coming by!
Bernice
[…] This is a fantastic movie for any woman to see. I have not finished the book yet, but I felt compelled to see the movie right away as Elizabeth Gilbert speaks to some of the same issues I am dealing with right now. […]
I really admire your honesty. It takes a lot of courage to express your feelings in this way and talk about your depression. Your comment “I am trying to let that front down now, it is too exhausting to keep it up”, really hit home for me. When I started to tell people about my anxiety, just about everyone I spoke to couldn’t believe it, they said that I was always, positive, confident, upbeat etc. What people didn’t realise was how exhausted and tired I was from keeping up the front.
I also believe that after the darkness comes the dawn. It’s hard to stay strong during the dark days but it sounds like you are doing a great job of taking each day as it comes and using your support network to get you through.
Wishing you much love and support
P.S. Thanks for sharing that book/movie can’t wait to check it out
Hi Bernice, Thanks so much for checking out my blog earlier. Your post shines a whole new light on “Eat, Pray, Love.” I do have to say that the beginning of the book was by far the most compelling. And at first, I did like it. But to me, the rest of the book would have been much better had she continued expressing those deep, emotional feelings.
I’m so sorry you’ve been having a rough time. Clearly you have a ton of support out there! And I feel that one of the biggest ways to lift a mood is to start writing. And it’s no doubt that you can do that well!
– Emily P.
I’ve been where you are many times, probably there now, but I’m resisting going back on medication because, like you said, it’s a bandaid. I take it and I feel better, but because I feel better I’m not so motivated to work on the things that got me here in the first place. Get me here over and over. I may end up back on medication, though. I dunno, but I also feel like dawn is just ahead. I hope.
I am convinced to check out this book! I too am back in that dark place. I am not taking medication anymore because it completely numbed me out. I had no feelings. I have to wear a mask because my hubby is biolar. I don’t have a choice but to be the strong one. My family doesn’t believe in mental illness so they aren’t much help. Thanks for steering me to this book.