On Friday, August 13, (of all days!), the movie based upon Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love opens.
There are many women who are excited about seeing this movie as Liz has a way of expressing what so many women feel, but never say aloud. In her book, she talks about her long struggle with depression before seeking outside help. She read book after book, and tried ‘fixing’ herself by doing all the things these experts told her would help to relieve her depression.
Many of the things she spoke of I have already written in previous posts, breathing, fresh air and sunshine. She also exercised, got a new haircut, drank gallons of herbal tea, but to no avail.
Liz felt, like MANY women in America feel, that admitting you need help and asking for it was a sign of weakness. She got to the edge of being suicidal before she reached out for help.
She eventually took antidepressants and spent hours in therapy to help her overcome or at least get a handle on her depression. She felt it important to express that taking medication alone is just a bandaid. If you do not work through what got you there in the first place, you may find you will return to that same place of darkness again and again.
And that is where I am finding myself, back in the darkness that has enveloped me many times throughout my life. This time it is darker and blacker than ever before.
I waited much too long to admit how badly I was hurting, I mean, after all, my job required me to manage, train, motivate and inspire the 700+ women in my territory. I personified THE company I worked for. I had an image to present, physically and mentally. I was the cheerleader, the confidante.
The sad thing is, I like that part of my job. I just had a difficult time handling ALL the parts of the job at one time. And just before I fell apart, I got to where I didn’t enjoy or feel confident doing even the better parts of my job. I was not being what I needed for my team or for my company. And I didn’t want to admit that I was failing and that I was falling apart inside.
After all,
I was the strong one.
the motivator.
the passionate one.
the one everyone wanted to be like.
When I told my chiropractor (who sees me several times a year) about my current situation, he could not believe that I was depressed. He said I was always so ‘up’. That was the mask I had to wear for everyone. I am trying to let that front down now, it is too exhausting to keep it up. I just hope that one day I can feel ‘normal’ again, and feel joy again.
I know that is always darkest before the dawn, and I truly feel as if there is going to be a new chapter in my life soon, I just have to find my way through this darkness. With the help of God, my husband, children, friends, doctor, counselor, psychiatrist, and medication, I will make it through to the dawn, but for now, I just keep pressing on, step-by-step, day-by-day.
My goal is to help as many women as possible with these issues we all deal with! Be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you don’t miss any posts! If you know of someone who would benefit from the info in this post and in my blog, please click here to share!
Ramblings of a Woman 