How did I end up here? Are any of you asking yourself that question? I know that I am. On one hand, I can’t believe what I HAVE been able to accomplish, and on the other, I say, “Is this all there is?”
I am proud of what I have done. I have raised 4 amazing kids (with the help of my dedicated husband and by the grace of God!). I have 6 beautiful grandchildren, with another on the way (can’t wait to meet Kenley Grace in September). My children put us through some rough times, and I will say that, as teenaged parents, we put THEM through some rough times.
We were two messed up teenagers from two messed up homes, trying to create a family, a home. I feel that we did a pretty good job with what we started out with. Don’t get me wrong, as my kids have grown up I am sure they will be the first to point out mistakes we made! The thing is this, we sincerely had their best interests at heart. We wanted more for them than we had, and I am not talking about “stuff”. I am talking about love and security and connection, a sense of belonging. The cool thing is, that as they get older, we able to talk about how they felt growing up. About the mistakes we made and they made. And, as they take issue with some of what we did, and they see us as the imperfect parents we are, they understand that we are not perfect, we are human, just as they are, and they begin to understand why we did what did and still do what we do.
I just pray this, that they will carry our successes and learn from our failures to the next generation. Will they be perfect parents? No, there is no such thing. But, maybe, just maybe, they have learned that the most important things are not things at all. It is about relationships, about connecting, about experiences, about loving one another and being loved in return.
Is our family perfect now? How boring that would be! I have 4 adults/young adults who are trying to figure out who they are and what they want to be when they grow up, and how they want to live their lives. It is an exciting journey to watch. In my generation, you were supposed to know “what you wanted to be when you grew up”. I want my children to know, and I want you to know and understand this, that that journey began when we were very young, and it will continue till the day we leave this earth. The parents of our generation were taught to get an education, get a job, and settle in for their “life”. This generation is SO different! I think that so many of us in my generation feel discontent because we don’t feel right settled into our “life”.
I will be writing more on this subject as it is close to my heart, but let me leave you with this question? Have you settled? Are you still settling? This doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband, family, children. Just think about it. The first step to finding ourselves is to admit we are lost. As we begin this journey, I would love to hear from you and read your comments.